Big brother Wednesday, Dec 9 2020 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and ranting and venting , , , , , , , , , , , , lostkitty420 5:22 pm

When i was 12 you would order sandwichs for me cause subway was to loud.

Id save you a seat next to me in the basement and you always made me feel a part of things.

Like it was ok to be there and I was wanted. 

After you always walked me to the train or my dad.

You made sure I was safe and always included.

I hold that inside of me as memory of haveing a faimly and being loved.

You are my mental safe place,

so why now do you make feel like I need to slink away quietly and hide?

Why do I feel like spill that needs to be hidden from the adults?

You’ve always been there to clean me up and set things right,

so why do I feel like I live under the rug with the rest of the dust and crumbs of the past.

I know we change as we grow,

But have we changed that much?

You loved me once,

I called you brother.

Where is my brother now?

 

late night write 2020 Monday, Jan 6 2020 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and the late night write , , , , , , , lostkitty420 5:38 am

I know, I know, I should write more.

I used to think id be an author, now I barely keep a notebook.

I picked up an old one the other day,

it had some gems.

one line in the middle of a page just read:

I want a man that will look at me and call me ravaging.

on the next three pages, I just complained about my boss not taking me seriously and work.

now though, now sometimes I WordPress.

I have followers now, that’s weird.

also, thank you? 4th wall braking?

I made this 10 years ago when I moved and lost three full notebooks to a clearly aggressive bottle of shampoo.

I try not to go back and re-read on here,

for many reasons.

least of all spelling…

I just wish I stuck to my goals more.

writing grows yano?

you gotta feed it.

so ill do my best with my notebooks, and here.

thanks to all the people reading these,

thanks and sorry for the crappy writing.

 

 

 

Unedited unspell checked late night write Wednesday, Oct 16 2019 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and the late night write , , , lostkitty420 4:27 am

confessions from the bottom of my cups

I just want to smoke this blunt and be left alone

I just want to forget all the things

that I confessions from the bottom of my all of it

to deal with tomorrow

why can’t it be easy

why can’t I be one of those booshie fucks

in the tallest buildings next to the park

I work so hard and I fail so often

when is karma going to give me a break

I just want one thing to go right

one lucky break

whether it be a scratch card to pay my bills

or a job opportunity to better my career

I just want to know my boyfriend loves me

I just want to know I won’t be 34 single with no kids

Why can’t things be better

why can’t I be better

how low do I have to fall before I start to pick myself up

I was foolish believing that I had done that

when in reality the floor is just as absent below my feet

and where are all those friends I sang of

all the ones that would be there no matter what

I can count on one hand the ones I spoke to this week past

and then there’s me

me letting down my godmother

My Chosen godmother

My grandmother

my good aunt that was fucked up but was there for me before

my bad aunt Who fucked up always but made up for it in the ways that she knew how to

when does it boil down to me

when is it clear that it is I myself that is in the way of anything good

Is it when I have written a thousand poems never to be published or read?

Is it when I have died

When my sister has honored her agreement to publish the stacks of dust filled notebooks I keep under my bed

will I die before I understand what it is I need to be happy?

Do any of us really know what we need to be happy?

I’m not happy

but when I’m not myself at peace

I find I write best

It may not be the best writing but it comes out easily

So judge me if you want

but as I’ve said I’ll never be published

  • Foot note; fuck your punctuation and grammar. I’m emotional, I’m an artist and I needed to write this down. SO GET OFF MY BACK. ~see secondary footnote
  • *I have been published.

©=^.^=

Asl

 

Six Names Thursday, Aug 22 2019 

life stuff and rando thoughts lostkitty420 12:45 am

Alice

Sophie

Jr.

Steven

Chelsea

Jay

six names

that’s it, six people I would trust with my life. or in this context my death. we all die, its just part of life. so is depression and cheerfulness and here we are with a solid list of six names. some names didn’t make it as I type this. some I will likely lose first and some I have lost already.  I think 6 is a good number, a solid number and everyone I would die for. So to them, I ask this; bury me. I don’t wanna be ash, make sure I go to the ground. I know it’s morbid but we all die.

 

Oh dear god she’s starting to do lists. Thursday, Jun 29 2017 

life stuff and the late night write , lostkitty420 4:13 am

First off no, worried not dear reader I have not sold out. I just realized while watching a show that I quite enjoy, that there are a lot of other shows like it and if there are weird people like me that read my poetry… maybe I should make a list so that they can enjoy these shows. That said here’s my first edition of lists and the topic of this one will be: shows and movies where animals talk for adults.

This whole list thing is a work-in-progress, so bear with me on the hashtags and format that it will be shown in for now. There will be some fine-tuning later and more list to come!

-=^.^=

   ASL 

  • Downward dog. Show                              (This is a Hulu original about a single woman and her dog going threw her struggling life  yada yada yada it’s pretty good. the dog narration is awesome, minimal cinematography used in the overlay of the dogs narrative and him actually saying it, so it felt pretty natural and I’m quite enjoying it so far. this one was actually the cause of my making this list.)
  • The voices. movie                                       ( this one was a bit of both Whimsical and dark. The story of a man played by Ryan Reynolds ‘possibly his best acting on film’ with schizophrenia, who is being counseled by his cat and dog which in body Good and Evil. I wouldn’t call it a psychological horror, though it is fairly psychological and also a horror but it has comedy and even a dance number.)
  • Wilfred. Show                                           (ok so firstly Wilfred is one of my favorite shows. It deals with a lot of topics,  such as mental illness, family issues and moral correctness as well as of course drugs. It centers around a guy named Brian ‘elijah wood’ dealing with troubles with his family, his job given to him by his father and his next door neighbor who he Pines after. He uses watching her dog as an excuse to see her, but really the show focuses around his relationship with the dog who he sees as a man in a dog suit and yada yada yada chaos ensued. quite funny, I highly recommend it to anyone who hits the bong.)

          

This is a post in progress, it is not done. I wanted to let you guyd see it, Leave it open to give me any notes you have on the construction of it. Anything you would want to see more of and list you might want me to do in the future. After I finally finished this one. thank you all my readers, I am yet to understand why you read my stuff but I’m extremely grateful. Thank you all so much and let’s move forward on this list stuff.

-=^.^=

ASL

 

Change scares me Saturday, May 27 2017 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and the late night write , , , , , , lostkitty420 7:34 am

I’m nervous and I’m scared
I’m scared of going there
I’m afraid to return
I’m thinking of my love
when the truth
He comes to learn
if I want to succeed
I must leave my past
Fresh start, go in blind
but how can I leave a whole life and dysfunctional true love behind
I’m trying to be brave
but I’m running out of steam
I feel like crying
and I feel like dying
And under the moon with birds chirping
in a graveyard I will scream
I hate saying goodbye.

 

Seeking her sensei Tuesday, Apr 11 2017 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and the late night write , , , , lostkitty420 8:50 am


The night was long, 420 came too fast. The candles lace the air with sweet memories, on nights like these I used to walk up to your house. Up a hill to knowledge it seemed, like an adventure seeking a wise wizard. Sadly in those books the fires of a dragon kill most Wizards, mine was no different.  searching for sage advice I find myself contouring your Phantom.

I sit at the waterfall silently Under the Stars,  waiting to hear your voice  from the rushing waters.  if only a whisper. 

I dance across the rushing waters falling from benith my feet just like you tought me, to climb my familiar Hill. Only this time I walk High to where everything is still.

Here I am at peace. I feel safe, swaying and singing songs of loss and pain, are you here? Will you dance with me again? Will you tell me the story’s of all we meet, all the memorys beneath our feet? But your not with them & you’re not with me.

I am tired and suddly cold. Feeling age is getting old. When loved ones start to leave never to return and when the hardest lessons come time to learn. The ones there before may not be there to help and there you are. 

Half way in the middle of this shitty thing called life. 

Now you gotta walk home.

-for Raymond 

=^.^=©

 

climbing while question, a late night rant. Wednesday, Mar 29 2017 

life stuff and the late night write , , , lostkitty420 4:16 am

Feeling really caught in the middle lately guys. I suppose the middle is better than the bottom and I should be grateful I’m not down there anymore. Things did get rough for awhile but I’m climbing out, to the middle. I guess I’m just kinda confused and tired of this whole thing called life and how it works. Give what get what and for what and why? I deffintly think to much, if I can’t really do much, at least I can think. What I’m getting at is that life is hard and the way it works makes no God damn sense! I’m sick of thinking about it and working threw it. Time to change some shit, big shit, that we can only do together. Or we keep climbing and falling untill one or two of us make it to the top and inevitably kick rocks down at the other ones. Humans suck, end of rant.

 

I just can’t believe it. Wednesday, Mar 8 2017 

life stuff and the late night write , , , lostkitty420 9:11 am

I can’t believe I’m up this late again

I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten good sleep since I got back

I can’t believe how little I’ve done to pack and prepare

I can’t believe how much has changed during such a slow passing of time

I can’t believe my brother did that

I can’t believe I’m moving back

I can’t believe I don’t I should go home

I just can’t believe it.

 

For Them. Wednesday, Oct 12 2016 

life is a jumbled poem and life stuff and the late night write lostkitty420 4:12 am

you used to call me baby bird,

she used to call me baby girl,

yet all I can call myself is a wreck.

I wanna, chin up B

I wanna, cooooomon!

I wanna be the girl you both saw in me,

but I’ve only turned into a very sad woman.

I had to work threw his burial, 

I wasn’t allowed into hers.

I lost that time I had 

to let go of all those many words.

so I kept them all,

I kept them for them.

and If I ever see you both again

maybe I’ll get to say them then.

 

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